TALKING TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE
From an early age (when the child is verbal, and is able to understand what you are talking about…often around the age of 3 to 4), it is important for you, as the parent, to have a discussion with your child about what sort of touch is ok, and what sort of touch is not. Many of you are undoubtedly familiar with the ‘good touch, bad touch’ discussion, but as a review, this is what you should be sure to cover:
1) That the child’s body is their own, and that if someone is touching them in a manner that feels uncomfortable, then it is not ok. Of course, there may be times when medical necessity comes into play, or when personal care needs come into play, and it is important for the child to know that at such times, such touch may be necessary.
2) Your child should know that there are certain areas of the body that are particularly private, and that those areas of the body are off-limits, with the above exceptions. One approach I have used, with my children, is to let them know that those areas are for when you are married…you don’t want to attach shame to this sort of touch, as much as you want the child to know that there should be boundaries.
3) Your child should be aware that it is never their fault, if some sort of inappropriate touch occurs, and that it will always be the right thing to tell a trusted adult. They should never be made to feel ashamed of what happened, and should be told that they did the right thing, to tell.
4) If something is revealed, you will need to take appropriate steps, such as seeking out the help of a professional, alerting authorities, preventing any future contact with the alleged perpetrator, and of course, comforting your child.
If you suspect that your child has been sexually abused, or otherwise abused, it is very important to have a discussion with them, as soon as possible. If you do not feel comfortable addressing the topic, you may consider enlisting the help of your spouse, or your significant-other, or a trusted friend, a school counselor, or a professional. Talking about this is never easy, but it is so very important.
Some possible signs that your child has been molested:
Sudden change in behaviors or emotions
Sexualized behavior or comments
Bedwetting or daytime wetting that did not occur before
Nightmares or screaming out while sleeping
Sudden change in sleep patterns (i.e., doesn’t want to sleep alone, etc)
If your child exhibits some or all of these symptoms, it may be indicative of abuse, or there could be other, perhaps more innocent explanations. Again, if you suspect abuse, the safest approach is to seek assistance in exploring this further.